Sunday, February 22, 2015

On Self-Worth and a Job Interview

I'm going to have bad dreams tonight, I thought in the car on the way to run errands Monday night.  I took a deep breath and realized that I wasn't going to be able to stop the bad dreams.  I had already had one night of them the day before and, since the job interview at the fitness center was tomorrow, I was going to have to get through one more night.

Dreams of Terzo having to be in the class I was auditioning to teach because he just cried and cried at being left with the staff babysitting.  Of the coordinator having to take over half way through because everything was going wrong.  Of embarrassing myself somehow at the beginning and not being able to make it better.

I'd spent the last few days beating down or trying to drown out my fears that the only place left for them was in my dreams.  I'd been trying to tell myself that I was worthy of this job interview, that I was good enough, had enough experience, could actually teach a fitness class without a stroller in tow.  I broke down a little Monday night after writing my class for the interview.  Trying not to cry, I said to My Other Half, "What if I'm not good enough?"

He said, "You are.  And you know what you're doing. Remember, this is supposed to be fun."  Fun, huh?  I guess I forgot about that part.  I was so worried about not messing up, about not being good enough, that I forgot that I was the one pursuing this job interview.  I said yes when a friend mentioned the fitness center was looking for subs.  I said yes to filling out the application and getting in touch with the coordinator.  I said yes to all of it because I did want the opportunity to try something new, to put myself out there.

Only now that I was, I was scared half to death.  At the actual interview on Tuesday, I was literally shaking, teeth chattering, the whole deal.  But once things got moving, once I got my chance, everything felt better.  I did know what I was doing.  I could teach a hard class.  I was worthy of this opportunity.  

I'm glad that I went through this experience.  I'm glad that I was so scared because it made me realize that I did want to do this.  I'm glad that, with the support of My Other Half, I understood that my sense of self-worth is more important that what other people think.  I'm glad I figured that out in time to have a good job interview.

Oh, and I nailed it! :)


No comments:

Post a Comment